Meditation equals Calming

I am having internal resistance towards incorporating meditation as a daily practice in my life.

My favorite and most calming meditation is precisely 40 minutes. I have a standing appointment with my friend Serenity to do Yoga at 7am -so I must awaken at 5am to do the meditation. Instead of turning on my radio - I lie in bed. Just lie there for an hour and a half. I can't figure out why? Meditation is not really much more taxing. Still I resist.

So this morning there was no meditation, and I was cranky. Cranky at 9.10am. I was in the mood to send a detailed, stern and pointed email. It was too early to feel confrontational. I hate it when I am just a puppet to my emotions. I clocked out from work early 11.30am and went to my car to get re-centered. Obviously this is my medication of choice. I would rather do 40 minutes of Yoga than say a single harsh word to someone, or email in this case. I deserve the best of me, heck so do you.

We good? Absolutely. Ok, but I would still like to know where the resistance is coming from. So let me breathe now and just start typing...

Why is it so difficult? I know it's good for me, but I almost can't bear to be happy me. What happens if I find happiness and all my dreams and desires fall away. What happens if I am awesome to remain as I am? Why didn't I think of it earlier. I am resisting because I feel that I will be starving myself of the things I need. See I used the word need. I am grasping for love, friendship, safety and security. A good stand in for these things are food. But this grasping towards could be filled if I just gave it to myself. Just trusted the Universe and opened myself to receive it. Hmmmmmm. This is something to think on, yeah?

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